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We feel wrong

Personal Improvement

The results of impostor syndrome, cognitive biases and lots of other odd mind mechanisms mean we often feel the opposite of the way we should.

I feel unmotivated, I think as I happily put in my 50th hour of work that week.

I feel poor, I think as I buy as much food as I can carry without need to look at my bank account.

I feel out of shape, I think as I ride my 46th kilometre that week.

I feel like I don’t eat well enough, I think as I maintain my weight and feel fine.

I feel uneducated, I think as I finish my 2nd book this month.

I feel not at peace, I think as I sit in my quiet apartment in candlelight doing yoga.

I feel like I’m stagnating, I think as I look around my freshly painted apartment.

I feel lonely, I think as I wake up next to a beautiful woman.

I feel like I don’t wear the right clothes, I think as I put on an outfit less than a month old.

I feel I don’t talk to my friends enough, I think on the way home after a great night out.

What is it about our minds that makes us think we are failures in the very area in which we are trying to improve, at the very point we’re trying to improve them?

What is it about our minds that can’t appreciate what we have and where we are and who we are and be okay with it? Yeah, I had chocolate for breakfast and I probably won’t exercise today. But that’s not every day, and I like chocolate and I’m not starving and I’m not cold all the time.

Then again, perhaps these thoughts are like hunger or arousal. We need them to continually renew if we want to push ourselves and our society and our species further. Maybe if we are ever all okay with who we are then the economy will shut down and we’ll need to come up with something new but we won’t because we’ll be content with whatever happens.

It’s a sobering thought to think that thinking we need to be better, constantly, is the only way we’re able to survive. That those who seek contentment and oneness with nature are the selfish ones, and the ones going after more money and more glory are doing exactly as nature intended.

Or maybe I should go back to writing about cars and money ‘cause this isn't helpful to anyone.


I feel this post was pointless, I think as it gets these thoughts out of my mind and lets me focus elsewhere.

Banner photo - Pavan Trikutam / Unsplash