How I found faith and was probably blasphemous at the same time

You've gotta believe in yourself if you don't believe in a higher power.

Normally I’m like 😐

And that’s great.

Now and then I can even be like 🙂

Which is awesome.

Right now though, I feel 🙁

This past week really knocked me down.

I have a lot of new problems to solve before I can continue to pursue my previous life goals. And they seem to keep mounting. I can barely move my shoulder today after pulling or twisting something in my shoulder while travelling home.

The universe is clearly against me right now. Stacking up problems like firewood at me feet. Soon the devil will light them ablaze just to watch me dance!

Smelly Street

“2015 was like a long drive down Shit Road on bald tires.” – the tweet I was working on for New Years Eve. It’s funny how your current situation colours past experiences. Had you asked a month ago, I would’ve framed it so differently – I would have said while 2015 was the hardest year in recent memory, it was also the best.

It sure doesn’t feel like that now given the way it ended. (See the previous post.)

I think we focus on the bad when we’re in a bad mental state and vice-versa. Whoever programmed our brains didn’t do a great job at load-balancing happiness.

Faith

I do not believe in any particular god. Not that I believe there isn’t a whole bunch of stuff we can’t perceive, but I’m not one to believe something specific. I always refer to whatever control’s everything as the universe. e.g. “The universe is out to get me today,” or “The universe is a total dick sometimes.”

So I’ve been knocked down. But I’ve been knocked down before. Here’s where the difference is though: I know I’ll get back up.

I have faith. In me. I am my own god.†

Ten years ago, during my darkest moments, you could not have convinced me everything would be alright even if you took me for a Tardis-ride forward to my happiest moment. Now, I know it’ll be fine. I just gotta wait it out. My mind will level off. Enough outside concerns will bubble up and force me to take enough action to get me moving again. I will figure out how to solve all these new problems and I will be ready for the next round.

In the meantime, I just gotta survive. Eat. Sleep. Don’t try to find comfort in food or alcohol or prostitutes.††

Just one foot, then the next, then some soup, then some sleep. For now I stay alive. I honor my commitments even if they seem completely trivial at the moment.

It’ll be okay again soon. It may even be better than ever.

Amen.

† Please don’t make me yours, I can only handle one wacko follower at a time
†† or your mom

 

 

MOAR!!!

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