The most populous country I’ve never heard of

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on August 19, 2008
in Maps and travel and suchlike
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To show my ignorance of the world (and taking myself a random sample, thereby showing a general ignorance of the world) I thought I’d look up the most populous country I’d never of. And I mean, NEVER heard of. If I even had so much as an inkling the place was a country, it wouldn’t count. I figured by the time I got to the country (if there was one) the population of it would surely be almost nothing, probably less than half a million, as it’d be some tiny country tucked away somewhere.

The winner? Benin. An African country with 9 million people. That’s right, there are 9 million people living in a country, the name of which could just as easily have been a brand name on a bean can. (Benin Beans, with Pork!)

Scary, isn’t it.

So what’s yours now that Benin is out?

Other surprises when glancing down the list were Ethiopia having almost as many people as Germany, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo having more people than either the UK or Italy.

Antony and Cleopatra by the sea

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on August 18, 2008
in Entertainment
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This evening I took in a performance of Antony and Cleopatra, as done by Shakespeare by the Sea.

My first impression was a good one, in that this production was both a work of Shakespeare and was by the sea. The last production I saw in the Shakespeare by the Sea Festival turned out to be a work of Poe, put off in a cellar. I don’t know about you, but I would’ve been even more interested had they called that one Poe in the Ground.

But now, on to Antony and Cleopatra. If this play has made one thing clear, it’s that Shakespeare didn’t have a prom date. Only a person demeaned and rejected endlessly could be bitter enough to create a character like Cleopatra. But of course, we’re not here to debate the ability of a famous playwright to pull trim.

Shakespeare’s works, whatever the inspiration, yearn to be performed. However, I don’t find amateur performances to be befitting of his grand work. It’s like watching Dora the Explorer explain Quantum Physics.

Having seen a grand total of zero productions of Antony and Cleopatra before, I don’t really have a frame of reference to judge most things on, so I’m using my own internal Shakesprometer. Just a note, as it may be mis-calibrated.

Tens of people pretend to be interested
Tens of people pretend to be interested

I think the costumes were well done. I at least didn’t see any penises, so I’m counting it as a win. (Unlike Mid-Summer Night’s Dream, in which the opposite would sadly be true.) I was a little surprised to see Caesar in khakis and Birkenstocks, but if I remember my history, GAP was the official sponsor of the Roman Empire.

The lighting was a bit of a let-down also. It was outdoors and frankly, I expect a little more when your lighting guy is God. I know he’s probably busy smiting sinners, but is it too much trouble to ask for the occasional downstage spot?

The biggest problem, however, was the sound. That is to say, I couldn’t hear them. And it didn’t help that the voices ranged from barely audible to a-hungry-lion’s-asleep-in-the-next-room-and-I-smell-like-bacon. It was like watching a foreign film, without subtitles, while trying to see if you can fit Swedish berries in your ear canals. Even the bits I heard I didn’t understand.

The director also made some odd choices. The one that sticks out is placing a huge container ship next to the stage and having it load during the first two acts. Symbolizing Antony’s growing load of responsibility and burden, perhaps? Whatever the reason, it was quite distracting.

In general, the play just didn’t grab me. While sitting on the cold, park bench which served as my seat for over three hours, I couldn’t help but think my evening would’ve been better spent unclogging the toilet after trying to flush fifteen loonies.

Yet, for all the problems there was something wonderful in there. Never having read the play before, I somehow got the impression of epic battles (both with armies and women) in a world so unlike our own. It was something magical, something indescribable. And that’s the thing about Shakespeare. It transcends average actors and bad sound and the sore of one’s ass that could only come from sitting on the hard wooden planks of an old public bench and…and it hits you. In fact, I’m pretty sure that play could’ve been performed by pieces of epileptic cheesecake and would still have been fantastic. And I hate cheesecake.

To close, I will say that you shouldn’t make any effort to see this play. Though that is in large part because I saw it on the last night. Timely, I am.

I give it 3 fake beards on my undeterminate fake-beard scale.

Delightful Definitions I

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on August 14, 2008
in Postlets
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Oh, how I dig thee, definition of ‘yonder’: being in that place or over there; being that or those over there

Godless Healing Machine

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on August 11, 2008
in In Bed With Me
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I normally wear headphones and listen to music while I sleep. The reason for this is to distract my brain so I don’t dream. I don’t know why it works, but it does. I discovered the solution after a particularly weird stretch of nightmares and lucid dreams a few years back, which really soured the whole dreaming thing. Occasionally, I fall asleep without music playing and am reminded of why I need it. Last night was one of those nights.

I dreamt my brother, who was living with me in a large house, had adopted a small polar bear. I was assured he was friendly. When I came downstairs into the living room, the polar bear ran toward me (eliciting a fearful reaction), leaped onto me, put it’s nose to my ear and started making a computer-processing sound. In front of my eyes appeared a floating computerized list of all my ailments. When it was finished, the bear went back to its sleeping spot on the floor. My brother, while on the couch knitting, said something to the effect of, “yeah, he does that.”

So seriously, has anyone seen my iPod??

Like something I like

Published
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on August 7, 2008
in Links
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I rarely post just links, but this one just tickled me so:

Funny Metaphors Used In High School

Unfortunate

Published
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on July 28, 2008
in Backlog
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This is the first item from the backlog of posts written over the last year. As such it bears little relevance to the current state of my mind / person / life. (Also, if I actually did post this or any future backlog posts somewhere else, do tell me)

I’m a born and bred Pepsi drinker. A blue-soda man and proud of it. I know Coke is ruling the world, soda-wise, but I’m convinced it’s only due to those corrupt corporate sponsorships (damn you Subway!). Pepsi I’m sure would win the popular vote.

Anyway, I’ve been increasingly looking towards the independent sodas. IRN-BRU is a solid contender, but something about it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Tizer, on the other hand, leaves absolutely no taste in my mouth. It tastes like red, eh? Well, apparently red tastes like sweetened muddy water without the dirt.

That leaves us with everyone’s favourite haven’t-had-one-of-those-in-a-while contender, Jones. It’s a solid drink, comes in glass bottles with crazy pictures which I totally dig, and even have a solid slogan: Run with little guy.. create some change. While I can’t see it dethroning Pepsi just yet, I could see Jones for ’08.

Yes, Mr. Jones and me are looking into the future. But that’s not why we’re here. Well actually, it kinda is. You see, if you’ve ever opened a Jones and peered into the cover, you’ve seen it: the fortune. Stolen from real fortune cookies they say. Well, kudos for honesty Jones, but you’ll need a PR guy who knows how to disguise your crimes a bit better if you want to run with the big boys.

Now I don’t believe in fate or spirits or voodoo or that little green dude from the future hovering above your shoulder. I believe that everything is just bunch of random stuff that happens. And that’s it. Recently, however, in what I would normally brush off as a random pattern, these fortunes have been freaking me right the hell out.

See, I’ve been getting some very lame fortunes. While my cohort, who we’ll call The Batman for the sake of anonymity, has been getting some very good ones. For instance, he’ll get “You will have a night of intense passion” and I’ll get “Climb a tree.” Of course this is then punctuated the next day when he relays the steamy details of his intensely passionate night, and I show him the scrapes I got climbing up the tree, and the bruises I after I fell out of it. Welcome to our relative lives.

So it was yet another bad day for me. Surprise. But fast forward and we’re both jonesin’ for a Jones again. Maybe something would lift my spirits. But no. The Batman’s fortune this time, “Someone really likes you.” Mine, “Plant a seed.” First of all, that’s not a fortune, that’s another directive (I let it slide the first time). Secondly, what am I some nature-loving hippie? I’m pretty sure I hate going outside and being with ‘nature’. So stop telling me to be with trees and seeds and start telling me something good is coming my way. Oh, and I didn’t plant a seed. But you can be damn sure someone really liked The Batman. (Chicks must really dig utility belts. I don’t know why he has a utility belt.. he’s perhaps the most useless fuck ever. But I’m digressing.)

Fast forward again, and we’re both in our respective domiciles, texting about our latest fortunes. I don’t remember what his was this particular day, but it was something along the lines of “You will take over the world while concubines serve your every desire and everyone else grovels at your feet.” I’m still waiting for it to come true, but I know that it will. And what was mine? Well, the next day The Batman would ask just that question, as he never got my reply. I unscrewed the top, and peering into it, I read: “Turn off your cell phone”

So in summation, it seems the best predictor of future events is not the past, it’s a Jones. That is, if your life is already going good. However, if your life sucks, don’t ever open a Jones soda. It’ll only mock you. And that is something that neither Pepsi nor Coke would ever do.

8 things I’ll answer to

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on July 18, 2008
in 8 things
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With a name that can’t naturally be shortened and is reasonably unique, I get a lot of variations on it. So many, it’s hard to keep tabs on them all without writing them down. Today, I misheard a co-worker, and thought he was talking to me cause when he said “cut back” it sounded like “gut bag.” Anyway, here’s the list of nicknames I’ll instinctively answer to.

Oz
Probably the first nickname ever given to me. Now rarely used. Though I am still partial to OZ Racing wheels.
Anguts
A simple variation, and the gut-line starts.
Guts
The former nick was shortened to this and it stuck like glue. Yet for all the times I’ve been called Gus, it never did.
Gutbag
As mentioned above. It’s a gross image I guess, but I don’t think about that anymore. And really, aren’t we all just big bags of guts?
Bogus
My text messaging name. When entering the pattern for ‘Angus’ on a cell phone, this is the only word that comes up. Unless I’m in your address book. I guess the cell dictionary programmers didn’t think cattle farmers would be texting much.
The Bogue
At some point I turned into a superhero. And you can’t be a superhero without a definite article in your name.
Tasty A
I tried not to like this one, but it was of no use. Too damn good. It started when a friend was eating an Angus burger. It was a Tasty Angus burger. And there you go. I’ve so far only been called this in text, so I’d probably not answer to it in person.
Idiot
Perhaps the most common of the lot. I particularly enjoy this one when uttered in a defeated head-shaking sigh.

Alright, so one more 8 things to go and we can stop these horrid list-posts that demean me, you, and everyone around us.

With or without my two favourite allies

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on July 17, 2008
in Maps and travel and suchlike
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I had to drive somewhere this morning, which is an activity I’ve been doing less and less of. I want to spend some quality time with the MINI though. This morning, I was thinking road trip.

Wouldn’t it be nice to load up my tiny boot and head off the island without a single destination in mind? Wouldn’t it be a grand adventure to get lost a few times, or drive into a river because my GPS told me to? Wouldn’t it be burntacular to go through a giant pile of fuel, almost as a rebellion against the constant complaints of the prices? (Duck you, car commuters!) Wouldn’t it be stupid to drive through Manhattan at rush hour for no particular reason? Don’t you all want to read the follow up to Luftangus, Bahnangus?

Yep, there was seemingly no downside to the idea. Then I remembered there’s no couch on the road. And if there is, you probably don’t want to sit on it. Oh well, so much for that.

More Tea, anyone?

Tweaking two things

Published
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on July 15, 2008
in Site news
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I’m pausing the posting for a bit to take care of a couple administrative issues.

The first, is my new obsession with sentence case for titles. That is, using sentence-like capitalization (but not proper sentence structure) in titles. I’ve been using it for IMs too. It’s the perfect compromise. It’s sweet

The 2nd is the images. The photo-per-post thing I was trying is kinda gay, so I have a newer, more awesomer idea. It’ll take me a bit to get rolling again though. Please stand by.

8 Frames ‘08

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on July 14, 2008
in 8 things
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Without a blog for the past year, people oft wonder what I do when in front of my computer. (Not oft, what’s the word? Never, right.) I could tell you, but you know the old writers adage: show don’t tell. So here’s a picture. That doesn’t seem like what a writer would do to me but who am I to argue the wisdom of writers past.

8 Frames '08

From top left, book-wise:

Me really enjoying some tea out of my NaNoWriMo mug; me somewhat enjoying an Apple; me hiding from communists or something; me in disguise with my rope-hair wig, probably to help me hide from the communists; me wearing my wiggity-wiggity-wack wii hat (which I have only cause it was free, yo); me eating packing tape after going crazy and hungry during the week of packing; me and giraffe…voguing?; me…alone.